I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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