I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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