Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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