If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
