My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
