I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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