New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize