If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
