You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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