i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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