I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
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