Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
