I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
