So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
