If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
