You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
