I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
