My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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