i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
