dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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