my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
