wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
