I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
