you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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