I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
