this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
