ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize