you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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