Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
