making cat noises will not fix the situation.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
