Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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