i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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