I think im going to throw up on grandma
I forgot how hot balto sounded
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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