I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
