I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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