What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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