Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize