Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
