Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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