He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
