Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
