He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I have aggressive nipples.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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