i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
