super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
