You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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