so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
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You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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