I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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