At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
