It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think people are normalizing furries
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
