God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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