I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
