think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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