dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
