pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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