youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
