I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
