my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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