your parents love me but you hate me
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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