who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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