i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
