My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
this boner is exhausting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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