so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
