Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
