she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
