ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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