69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
