I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize