The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize