my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
