Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
